End Of Year Blog

Hi, my name is Kara and if you’ve read some of my blogs, you might know that I like loud music, drawing, and writing a lot (in both ways). I’m in grade 7, so I won’t be going to high school next year, but I’m excited for grade 8. I’ll have the same teacher, but one down is probably that my friends aren’t in my class.

Some things that challenged me this year were probably my mental health. I’ve made a few posts on this, but I think it was mainly really bad at the beginning of this school year. COVID took a toll on all of us, I think, and I couldn’t focus on a lot of my work. I didn’t like the big change in routine at first, but I got really into it after a while.

What I hope to accomplish more next year is to be more focused on my work and my grades, but also working on myself as a human being person. I think one thing I start to do is really neglect my hobbies and mental health when I get too pressured with my work, and I really can work on doing stuff for me and not for school during the summer, so that’ll probably help. I also want to find some more things that I enjoy doing, because my hobbies are very limited currently. It’d help with my OWL presentations, and probably be a good fuel regenerator for me.

I think I definitely learned a lot this year, not just about myself but literally in class. Some things I really liked doing were blogging (obviously), doing OWL presentations (only the ones I actually liked i.e. the drawing ones), and ELA related stuff, reading books and what not. I got into journaling and my writing’s really improved (not that it was bad to begin with), and Writer’s Workshop was a fun activity to do. The presentations did give me some anxiety, which is weird because in grade 5/6, where I had very low self esteem and confidence, I could do a presentation perfectly and clearly. I have been getting better at my public speaking, though, so I’m not too worried about it.

All I’m really hoping for is that next year, we’ll be at least more normal than before, without masks and social distancing (I am still fidgety about not doing those protocols, but it would be way better especially for people who haven’t adjusted to COVID restrictions in the past 1.5 years. I personally have kind of gotten used to them, and I think it would take a while for me to get used to it not being like this. It would be better, though.

Fun Stuff

So I have a birthday update. Recently my mental health has been at a pretty steady 50/50, and my birthday (i.e. tomorrow) is when I have an actual first meeting with a counsellor. It’s during school, so I won’t be here at least for the beginning of the day. I don’t know how long it’ll last, but it’s kind of like a get-to-know-you meeting for the first one. I’m kind of excited, and kind of worried at the same time. I have a bunch of (unknown) problems with my mental health that I’ve told maximum 10 people as of now and I think it’ll be good to have someone else who is a trained professional in these premises about it who can help me and give me advice (even though I know a lot for someone of my age).

Also, after literal months of my mom talking about it after our dog died, I finally got to pick out a cremation necklace. It’s pretty and since I never heard of one until last year (long time, I know), I think it’s kind of a nice way for people who’ve been cremated to be remembered instead of sitting in an urn or a box for only god knows how long.

Speaking of death (I’m weird, okay), I’ve been thinking way too much of the “Helena” music video lately (it’s a good song, and if you like old rock with sad meanings behind it, go watch it). Like, imagine if your funeral went like that. Some random emo preacher yelling in front of a crowd of copy-paste people (because in 2004, that happened because you can’t fill that church in LA with enough people to make it look real) and crying on a not-even-dance floor when sing-screaming into a microphone while the crowd just sits and watches lifelessly. Also, a bunch of people creating a cult around your death bed and doing weird emo church movements. (Note: Revenge pants are very comfy, even when it’s 995894° (at least in summer, just don’t go outside)) <I had to sneak a way for me to geek out about My Chemical Romance in here somewhere

Also, not going outside (I’d prefer not to get skin cancer) (no, I’m not preach-y about it). Since I’m such a vampire, I basically never go outside and I look like the human embodiment of a sheet of loose leaf (funny, because I write on myself a lot), and I dress in black a lot. I saw this one story of some guys who got caught by the police at night and thought they were vampires. It was pretty cool. I feel like there’s this stereotype about emos and goths that they like sitting in cemeteries and are obsessed with blood, which isn’t that true (though, I could actually go to a cemetery any time I want to (I live a minute away from 2 of them). Sure, there are some people who do do that, and I think it’s mainly for aesthetic photos and weird posts. Personally, I’m not one to hang around a place full of dead bodies and graves, but the blood thing I don’t mind (as long as it’s fake, even though fake blood is sticky and a huge mess hint to joyriding music video). I’m not one of the people who’s deathly scared of blood, but in a situation where there’s a lot of it and it’s not under control, I might get a bit of adrenaline about it.

I like how this went from me talking about my therapy and birthday to just the most emo thing nowadays.

WW6 – My Favourite Song

Some people might already know I love listening to: old rock, pre-2015 style rock, punk rock, pop punk, and alternative rock. But, my favourite song is very debatable. Some days, I’ll listen to a song I love continuously, and others, it doesn’t exist to me.

My favourite song, by far, right now, is probably “Welcome to the Black Parade” by My Chemical Romance (MCR). They released it as a single for their 2006 album, “The Black Parade”, and the music video has surpassed 200 million views on YouTube.

To give you a quick summary, the song starts off quite slow, on the piano. Around the one minute mark, it gets louder, and the first verse kicks in around 1:45. It goes pretty normal in the song build (Beg., Verse, Chorus, Verse two, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus, End), but adding to it, the song is just shy of being 5 ½ minutes long.

Some reasons I like it are because of the story within the song, the music video, and just the album itself.

It’s about a guy whose father took him to a parade when he was younger, and that became his fondest memory. Then, later, when he dies, he’s greeted by The Black Parade as, as the vocalist for the band says, a comfortable way for him to be lead on through death.

Another reason is the feelings it gives off. For some reason, it makes me feel really nostalgic, like happy to listen to the song, but sad that it was so long ago (approx. 15 years) and that it’ll never happen again. Nostalgia is a weird feeling, especially over a song that isn’t coherently sad or has a deep, sad meaning to it.

Along with the feeling of the song, the meaning behind it is also a part of why I like it.

Essentially, one of the main guitarist said that it was influenced by how parades symbolized death and war, and took place as a way to honour soldiers who died fighting passing on. The vocalist came up with the story as the song was written, and I think it’s a great meaning to have.

Next is the lyrics. This is a big reason why I like any song, and also how I realized I misheard roughly every second sentence in “Welcome to the Black Parade”. It kind of mislead me to the theme of the song. As an example, there’s one lyrics, “Your weary widow marches”, which I heard as “Well, really we don’t want you”. It made me look at the song as a “ha, you’re dead and there’s nothing to do now” song instead of a “well, you’re dead and people still have been caring” kind of song, which is weird on it’s own.

Also, I like how the story kind of fades in and out with the lyrics. There’s this one where it says, “I’m just a man, I’m not a hero, just a boy who had to sing this song”, which goes back to the guy dying and actually becoming the leader of The Black Parade. It might sound confusing, so you might have to actually listen and watch the music video to understand it completely.

The song itself is definitely one I’d listen to any time, any where, and I really appreciate how the band put in so much work towards the music video (Fun Fact: which was filmed in one day) and how it feels like they’re preforming their hearts out. These are all reasons why I love the song, and I highly recommend you listen to it, even just once.

My Birthday

So there’s roughly 3 weeks left until my birthday and only one person knows what I really want. I can never make up my mind on proper birthday presents (for anyone, not just mine) and usually just end up getting a card and money from most people in my family. Problem one is that I’m very indecisive. It took me 30 minutes shopping online before I decided solidly what I want to get out of minimum 10 products. Whenever I go shopping, it’s a constant hassle of “I don’t know,” and “I’m hungry.” Problem two is literally nothing is open except online shopping. Lots of the things I’d ‘want’ are only things you can get online and they’re usually 30+ dollars altogether. I feel guilty telling people what I want online and they actually end up getting it for me, and then I feel the need to pay them back at least half of what they paid for it, just because I’m nice and appreciative.

Right now, I don’t have any solid plans of what I’m even doing for my birthday. I can’t really have gatherings, even of people below the number, and since my birthday’s on a Friday, I’ll probably be visiting my dad for the evening and won’t get to see my mom that much, especially if she works. It’s all kind of over the place in my head right now, but I’m pretty sure it’ll just be quick and over like the last few have been (Fun Fact; I haven’t had a proper birthday party with friends in over 5 years. Don’t feel bad for me, I’ve become extremely introverted).

So what I want for my birthday? Money. That’s literally all. The only other things I can think of is merch (clothing, mainly) from different bands and people I like that costs 7,000,000 dollars a pop. My friend said that she’d get something for me and her mom doesn’t mind, and that I shouldn’t pay her back since it’s my birthday, but other than that, I can’t come up with anything I want. Money can help me make up my mind, but right now, you can’t go out and buy things and shopping online feels really weird for me (+ I’m not too open with my mom, and not bold enough to talk to her about fandoms and merch I’m into). I’d rather torture her with my very, very bad shopping habits and annoying the living heck outta her than actually talk to her about wasting money online for something that takes 2+ weeks to come in the mail, and if it’s off Wish, is more than likely the size of your pinky.

Also, cake is a bad thing for me. My mom usually gets the kind of cakes that have 68 layers of thick sugar icing on it and I end up only eating the cake part with thin strips on icing in them, and after, have a hunk of icing piles on my plate. Sometimes, when I eat cake, I’ll feel like a piece of dog poop that’s been sitting out on someone’s lawn all through the winter, and when spring comes along, I’m a shriveled leaf the next day, and can’t do anything which is crumby after a birthday.

So as for my birthday, it’s just gonna happen. Nothing special unless this pandemic ends in T-15 or so days, which I highly doubt since so many people are still being dumb about the whole thing like they lost their brains to Pennywise in a sewer when they got sad about paper boats instead of families losing loved ones, in which he probably went to go scare random fat kids down the block with it (I have weird insults for republicans). I don’t know, but nothing will change either way because I don’t have friends and I’m too introverted for my own good.

Random Habits I Have

I have quite a few random things I do without even thinking about it. Some could be bad, some could just be weird, and some I don’t notice when I do them, only after.

  1. Chewing Fingernails. This is one of the bad ones. I can’t remember a time in my life where I haven’t had the bad habit of chewing on the skin on the end of my fingers and completely obliterating the nails with my teeth. I’ve tried to stop god-knows-how-many times, but it has never worked. I remember one time, my parents bought a special nail serum thing (yay, chemicals) that tasted horrible so I could stop chewing. Surprise, surprise, it didn’t work at all. I would still chew and got used to the smell and taste (I honestly don’t even know if it was non-toxic, but I’m still alive. Note: Nail polish stinks bad), or I would pick or peel off the serum and just continue destroying my nails. It’s bad because when I chew on the skin, too. Sometimes, it’ll run up the side of my nail and I’ll chew it off, and then it’ll hurt like heck for a few days. I go down so many layers of skin that it gets red and I can’t feel the ends of my fingers sometimes. I’m able to grow out my nails, but they’re fragile and break off, or I chew them off subconsciously, but I feel like I really need to stop picking at the skin around my nails, too. I feel bad because I get hang nails and roughly all my fingers look like brittle leaves in fall on the ends, and I can’t paint my nails either, because I’ll just chew at them and peel off the polish (It is satisfying, but I wish I didn’t have such an impulse to do it).
  2. Loud music. If you’ve seen some of my recent blogs, you’ll know I blare any loud song I love on speakers all night long (Not really, I’d get kicked out for being such an annoying pain in the butt). This is actually really good for my mental health, and I feel like it helps me ignore people I don’t like and it helps me concentrate so much (I know, it probably wouldn’t work for other people if they like quiet places for reading or working). This is bad because sometimes when I listen to it, it’s around people I actually like and am not too bothered by, and I feel like I’d make a bad impression with them if I’m having a whole mental metal concert and ignoring them when I don’t mean to. Also, radiation from earbuds or speakers and loud noises right in your earhole can be very damaging for your hearing (I advise not doing as I do. Monkey see, Monkey learn). And, just to add to me becoming deaf at 13 and ignoring everyone around me as a coping mechanism (Not really, it’s easy for me to talk to people), I also get lost in my own mind and zone out completely, making it harder for people to get my attention when I’m not listening. This doesn’t really happen, and when it does, it isn’t during synchronous learning times or during instructions, but rather when someone talks to me in the car or the bus, and I just sit like a statue with disintegrating eardrums.
  3. This brings me to three. Sometimes when I listen to music, I zone off and stare at something random. I usually catch on to this one a lot, and look away from people or focus on something like drawing or writing (new hobby I could talk about, too), but sometimes I feel like I’m just staring into people’s souls like a creep across the room, or like I’m just drifting off into my own fantasy world and sitting like a psycho going crazy. Sometimes I’ll get too invested in looking at something that’s not a human that I forget what I’m looking at and have to try and convince myself that I’m a human and not a robot being controlled. Like if I focus on trees, I’ll feel like someone put me into that position and I’ll get too focused on how many lines are on a branch and that seem to overlap from the POV, and I’ll forget to do what I’m supposed to be doing or that it’s kind of weird to sit still for a while doing absolutely nothing.
  4. Writing. This is probably one of the best habits I could have and actually stick to. Here’s a fun fact; I never really write, only for assignments and I get hand cramps 3.5 words in. I’m not talking about typing up random fanfiction on your phone or computer, but actually taking a notebook and pen or pencil and writing down all your feelings or something you like, or anything, for that matter. When I write about nothing in particular in a notebook, I never get cramps (Odd, I know) and I can write and write and write for 3 hours solid, especially when I have a good idea on my hands. I never really wrote in a notebook until about a week or so ago, but since then, I  filled out roughly 80 pages in a roughly half a printer-page of paper size sheet notebook, so 40 full sheets of that full of writing. I feel confident in it and even when I get stuck at something, in a story or whatever, I can use my highly-intelligent 1,000,000 IQ brain (Que the sarcasm, I am intelligent, though) to find a way around my problem. Now, when I say I never really write, I meant it, but when I start writing now, you can’t stop me. I’ll write a solid 20 pages double-sided in one night and happen to finish it off just the way I wanted with no mess ups. This isn’t a flex, but I like how I picked up this habit a week ago and I feel a lot better with something I like doing and can do confidently, in the same row as drawing or insert other hobbies here.

I’m pretty sure that’s all I have right now, but if you wanted to see more, I’m sorry. At least I’m not the one who spent 5 or more minutes reading a 1000+ word list on the blog of a teenager.

Open World Learning

In our class, we have this thing called open world learning, or OWL. It’s where you take 6 weeks to improve on something you’re interested in, 2 hours a week roughly. You show your progress and the main parts throughout each week for improvement, and you have these things called dragons where you each soar (pass), or burn (fail). You get put in groups and after each presentation in the group, the dragons tell what the owl did best, what could be improved, and how they used their time and how to go through.

For my first owl, I did drawing. I was nervous about presenting, but I think I made a lot of improvement throughout it. The second one I had got stuck on, and quickly put together a presentation about my Tying Tutor practice and how much I got better at typing. The 3rd Owl, I did digital colouring. This was another strong presentation (Yes, there is a pattern here). I really liked this presentation because I felt way more focused and I actually improved way more than I did at anything previous. The 4th one I did guitar. I thought I had a good presentation, but it ended up being too long and there was tech problems. I ended up going through, though, so now it’s the 5th owl.

For the last one, I really want to make it good, so I went back to drawing. I want to work on my current skills and improve on how I draw backgrounds and settings for characters instead of the blank white paper. Also angles, poses, and a bunch of traditional things I never really take time for (usually finish drawings digitally).

Also, the fact I hate presenting anything. After I’m done and my anxiety is gone, I feel like I should do the whole thing over again with more confidence. I don’t like it because I already gave my work and I can’t do it again so I think people are gonna be thinking about the flaws like me instead of the good parts. It’s a big issue for me, so that’s my biggest concern with Owl right now.

Why I Hate Summer

I know most people think summer is the best season. It’s warmer than the other season’s, you can get tanned and go outside a lot more, etc. I am not one of those people, so I kind of just trash on all of it.

  1. The weather. I have a very big, irrational fear of thunder storms, and when do they occur most? Summer. If there’s even a slight chance of one or its cloudy and windy, I’m already hiding away in the basement. It doesn’t really help my case that the house I live in basically amplifies ever little sound. I get sick to my stomach and feel like I’m having a panic attack and can’t breathe correctly. I feel like puking and I can’t eat anything. Sometimes, though, if I’m fortunate enough, I’ll get over it when the storm calm down and bit and be able to not figuratively die.
  2. The weather, again. I live in Canada, and even though it gets down to -50 in the winter, it gets really hecka hot in the summer. Like, +30, which is sweating by a air conditioner hot. I don’t know why people love it, but it sucks. Also, I hate tanning and looking like a tangerine or something, so I end up crawling out of my cave at the end of summer looking like a vampire while my sister and mom (and other family members) look bronze. I don’t mind it, but it makes me look really sick and like I am gonna die soon.
  3. I’m insecure. I hate going out into public and it’s no help that all my clothes are either black or the darkest shade of a colour before black. I don’t go swimming and I don’t go outside a lot because of my clothes and the previous reasons (see above). The last time I went swimming at an actual public pool was around 2017, so a good 4 years not drowning in a public bathtub. Also, another unmentioned reason why I don’t go outside is my sleep schedule. I’ll give you a clue; last summer, I woke up at 5pm once…

That’s pretty much all the reasons I hate summer and a bag of chips. I’ll stick to staying inside with family during -50 weather and opening Christmas presents, thank you.

Thinking About Halloween (Yes, Already)

I know it’s probably insane to think about what to be for Halloween 6 months before it comes up, but I’m weird like that (no, I was thinking about it in January, too, so sue me). Honestly, it’s probably my favourite holiday and I don’t know anyone who has said that. I can appreciate the other holidays (I literally only celebrate Christmas, Halloween, and birthdays), but I really like Halloween the best because of the aesthetics, the season, and the fact that you can dress up all crazy and no one can judge you because you have a solid excuse.

First of all; the aesthetic. The colours that most people probably think about are orange, black, purple, and green. I really like the combination of these colours and it’s almost everywhere you look during Halloween.

Second is the season. Fall is probably arguably the best season. In Spring, there’s water, puddles, and mud everywhere. Summer gives you sunburns and you sweat a lot. Winter’s just cold, plus there’s snow storms. The only bad thing I can think about Fall is the weather can change from ups to down, and when it snows, it’s very unexpected.

And third; COSTUMES. I still am very on the edge of what to be for Halloween this year, but I have a few solid ideas. I think it’s really cool that people get to dress up and go around getting candy for one day in the year. Some people might say that it’s really only for kids, but I think it’s completely fine for adults to dress up, too. They can go out and buy their own candy, though (it might be unfair for an adult to go trick-ot-treating).

Also, movies. Halloween movies are pretty cool. Mostly I’ll watch a few scary movies, but mostly, I’ll just watch the very few Tim Burton movies that come on literally maybe once in a lifetime on our TV (it sucks, like if you’re favourite show wasn’t on Netflix or available anywhere) (+ its also sucks that most of his movies are old so they aren’t even relevant anymore).

I think that’s basically all I have about Halloween. Hope you enjoyed (if you’re reading this 6 months into the future, hope you’re having a good Halloween).

Honoring Someone Else’s Blog

https://annahsaemsblog2020.edublogs.org/

I decided to honor my friend, Annah’s, blog. I like it because it’s interesting, pretty good with descriptions, and she’s completely herself on it. I like how she sticks to things she likes, unlike me, who just has a bunch of dumb opinions on things I prefer in different phases of my life.

I have a creative mind, but I have no clue what to blog about

I’m a pretty creative person, and I know how to execute ideas that come to me fairly easily, either in a drawing or writing it down or whatever, but today I had no idea what to blog about.

I’ve been thinking about the music I’m listening to, so that’s interesting. Having broken earbuds and listening to a song that requires the left and right side of them both together is not a good combination because I heard what sounds came through the left earbud just yesterday and I’m questioning my existence now. It doesn’t help that it’s rock music and vocalists tend to make a ton of strange noises (metal screams are out of the question) in the genre, so I’m basically asking for it (it’s a new song, too. Basically never listened to it).

I’ve also been drawing a lot more. Not drawing, but opening a sketchbook and staring and what I’ve previously drawn and either cringing or trying to make out what I can fix in it. I’ve been drawing a lot of different things recently, too. I used to only draw fanart of random cartoon characters in a random style with no detail, but now I’m drawing real people in a slightly more realistic style (at least with realistic type colouring) and different details I’ve never done before a lot. If you look through my most recent sketchbook, you’d probably find a lot of tattoos (see blog post below) and vampires and dead looking things. The odd time I’ll draw something meaning to have way more colours than black and red, but since it’s a sketch and you would’ve seen previous drawing in it, you would assume it’s supposed to be around the same style as the other drawings.

I don’t really know what this blog was, but I hope you enjoyed it (This had more info on me, too, so that’s fun).