So there’s roughly 3 weeks left until my birthday and only one person knows what I really want. I can never make up my mind on proper birthday presents (for anyone, not just mine) and usually just end up getting a card and money from most people in my family. Problem one is that I’m very indecisive. It took me 30 minutes shopping online before I decided solidly what I want to get out of minimum 10 products. Whenever I go shopping, it’s a constant hassle of “I don’t know,” and “I’m hungry.” Problem two is literally nothing is open except online shopping. Lots of the things I’d ‘want’ are only things you can get online and they’re usually 30+ dollars altogether. I feel guilty telling people what I want online and they actually end up getting it for me, and then I feel the need to pay them back at least half of what they paid for it, just because I’m nice and appreciative.
Right now, I don’t have any solid plans of what I’m even doing for my birthday. I can’t really have gatherings, even of people below the number, and since my birthday’s on a Friday, I’ll probably be visiting my dad for the evening and won’t get to see my mom that much, especially if she works. It’s all kind of over the place in my head right now, but I’m pretty sure it’ll just be quick and over like the last few have been (Fun Fact; I haven’t had a proper birthday party with friends in over 5 years. Don’t feel bad for me, I’ve become extremely introverted).
So what I want for my birthday? Money. That’s literally all. The only other things I can think of is merch (clothing, mainly) from different bands and people I like that costs 7,000,000 dollars a pop. My friend said that she’d get something for me and her mom doesn’t mind, and that I shouldn’t pay her back since it’s my birthday, but other than that, I can’t come up with anything I want. Money can help me make up my mind, but right now, you can’t go out and buy things and shopping online feels really weird for me (+ I’m not too open with my mom, and not bold enough to talk to her about fandoms and merch I’m into). I’d rather torture her with my very, very bad shopping habits and annoying the living heck outta her than actually talk to her about wasting money online for something that takes 2+ weeks to come in the mail, and if it’s off Wish, is more than likely the size of your pinky.
Also, cake is a bad thing for me. My mom usually gets the kind of cakes that have 68 layers of thick sugar icing on it and I end up only eating the cake part with thin strips on icing in them, and after, have a hunk of icing piles on my plate. Sometimes, when I eat cake, I’ll feel like a piece of dog poop that’s been sitting out on someone’s lawn all through the winter, and when spring comes along, I’m a shriveled leaf the next day, and can’t do anything which is crumby after a birthday.
So as for my birthday, it’s just gonna happen. Nothing special unless this pandemic ends in T-15 or so days, which I highly doubt since so many people are still being dumb about the whole thing like they lost their brains to Pennywise in a sewer when they got sad about paper boats instead of families losing loved ones, in which he probably went to go scare random fat kids down the block with it (I have weird insults for republicans). I don’t know, but nothing will change either way because I don’t have friends and I’m too introverted for my own good.